so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
