I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize