I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
it's great music for shaving your balls
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
