I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
