You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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