6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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