I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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