he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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