Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
