so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
