It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
