he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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