Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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