i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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