Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
