Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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