I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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