I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
