Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
