He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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