"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
