Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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