And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize