8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
