I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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