that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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