Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
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Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
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I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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