I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
