Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
