i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
