$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
