I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
