I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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