Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
