I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
