she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
