My hair reeks of homosexuality.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
