Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
