I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
