break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
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My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
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STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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