Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
