Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.