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alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
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