It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra