Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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