yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
