The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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