no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
it glows. i had to have it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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