Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
