Can Purell be used as lube?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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