I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
