There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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