We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
