It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
