I need to stop coming to work sober
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
