They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
