i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
