god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
