better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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