that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
