She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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