i barfeds in our rink
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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