They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
