I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
is wine microwaveable?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
