Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
