yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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