she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
