false alarm. still invincible.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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