there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
