1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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