and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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